Monday, August 29, 2011

Would you??

If I told you I was happy, how would that make you feel? Honestly, how would that make you feel?
I know you say you want me to be happy and tell me that I better be happy, and we are not going through this for nothing...If, I told you I was happy, I know it would kill you, because it is not with you anymore, but I also know that you would be glad for me that I am happy...would you, honestly?

I do understand...

I believe you do understand why I am doing what I am doing,
I know it must, it is killing you on the inside, that you cannot give me all that I want now, and do not even know if you will be able to,
It kills me to not be with you, and to know that you are hurting because of me.
You are my best friend, I do not want to lose that, I want to be able to talk to you about anything,
happy, sad, anger, everything!
Just knowing that whatever I may say, especially if it is happiness,
it may be hurting you, and that is the last thing I want to do to you,
I love you so much, if there more of chance, a percentage of having it all with you,
it would be you lying next to me,
there is no contest,
the love I feel for each of you is different,
no better, no worse, both of you fulfill me,
that is one reason why it is so diffcult...

On the Outside...

On the outside it looks like I'm ok,
If you ask me, I'll tell you I'm ok,
the truth is, I am ok, but however,
there parts on the inside, not so ok....

Friday, August 26, 2011

Back to school,
end of summer vacation,
altho, I did not have a summer vacation,
I spent my summer vacation in summer school.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

home again

home from AT, what a two weeks it was! It was not bad, but it was an emotional one this year. Losing a former 1st Sgt and our LT's brother...they are one of our own, we are family in our own right, a family of soldiers. A separate community, family from the tradtional sense of the word "family".  Which proves that family does not have to be traditional to be called a family. Anyway, good to be home, sleeping on something other than a cot or cement floor...using real toilets...taking a longer shower...and eating different foods other than army food.