Tuesday, November 30, 2010

my journey

decided that i think i need no emtional connections,
no romantic relationships,
i need to stop running from me, and start running towards me,
i am on a journey, a long journey, its not going to be an easy road, but i can and have to go it,
i fnd that i get myself in too deep, and i start losing myself, i forget about me,
i need to learn not to do this, i need to learn to be me and be with someone,
can't love someone else, if i don't love myself....so i am told....they might have a point...
need to tell others how i feel and what i need without feeling guilty, without worrying about hurting them,
if they truely love me and want me, they will be there when i am done, they will continue to stand by my side and support me and my decisions, i don't think i am asking for to much from people....
they want me to be happy and content and at peace with myself and my life, so this what i need....
i don't know how long it will take, but however long i still love them and want them there...

Saturday, November 27, 2010

i give up

I give up!
everyone seems to know what I want,
they all think they know what's right for me,
well, fine,  let them all think whatever they want,
i will just do what i want and when i want, if it screws me up more, oh well....
I give up!

Monday, November 22, 2010

prayer of complaint

I learned the "The Prayer of Complaint" tonight....this is what we should do in times of abandonment.
"God whom I praise, break your silence." Psalm 109:1
"I am here, calling for your help, praying to you every morning.Why do you reject me? Why do hide your face from me?" Psalm 88:12-14

im sorry

i can't do it,
need my space again,
don't want to hurt u, but i can't hurt anymore,
i need to do what is right for me,
need to take care of me,
i thought it was right, thought i was ready,
i thought...
i am sorry, didn't mean to lead u in this direction, for nothing,
didn't know this was going to happen,
i need to do whats right for me, i am sorry...its not you, i promise you that....

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

A friend said it best today

a friend send it best the other day,
search for yourself, by yourself, others can walk the road with you,
but its your road, and your alone,
it is your path, to do what you need,
go where you need to go,
others can walk with you on your road,
 but they can't tell you what road to take,
you need to make your own path,
searching for yourself, yes it is a journey, a long one,
but one that you will so enjoy, and learn some new and exciting things.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

why is it so hard?
why is it so hard to let go?
why is it so hard to do wat "we" want?
don't want to hurt anyone, but yet we are not happy with the situation or ourselves,
so why do we do this to ourselves and stayin the situation.

Friday, November 12, 2010

IF....

searching and searching for me,
i want to be content and like me,
i need to do this before i am in a relationship,
i don't know how long it will take, but i know i need to do this,
others may have to wait, but if they truely love me and want whats best for me, they will understand why i need to do it, and will not keep me from doing it...

Monday, November 8, 2010

Oh Lord!

Oh Lord give me the strength, the courage,
I open my heart, my life to you,
I am trying to follow your guidance,
trying to listen to your words, your signs,
although I know it seems like I've been drifting again,
it's not that far though,
I realized it and now I am drifting back to you,
please Lord, continue with your guidance, as I know you will,
I am just stubborn and hard-headed, as you well know,
there isn't any place I would rather be,
then in a life filled with your love, acceptance and kindness...

Sunday, November 7, 2010

thought it was right

thought it was right,
feeling different now,
running from something, someone else,
fighting feelings for someone else,
can't do that anymore,
Won't do it anymore,
have to do what's right for me,
have to take the chance,

Thursday, November 4, 2010

exausted...

coffee is the drink of the day,
it gets things going,


so exausted,
can't sit and relax for to long,
have to get things done,

hanging in there,
thank goodness, I have the strength,
and faith to keep going,

Coffee, will be going thru a lot of it,
but that's ok, I can think of  a lot worse things,
to make it thru,

for all who are feeling it too,
we will survive this,
we will make it thru,
because we are fighters

Monday, November 1, 2010

the poet is fun-loving,
she is sweet, kind, generous,
the poet loves to joke,
she loves to  laugh too,
the poet in the past, always did for others,
forgot about herself,
but no more, forgetting herself,
the poet is going to put herself first,

some do not get her sense of humor,
the poet says, "oh well, get over it!",
who's life is it anyway. hers or yours?
the poet is tired of hurting,
she doesn't want to hurt others either,
but she cannot be hurt either anymore,

the poet knows shes a good person,
just took her awhile to realize it,
now she does,
will not let anyone tell her other wise,

don't try to change the poet,
it will not work,
the poet will change only for herself,
and when she wants to,
so if you dont't get her,
if you don't like thinks she's being fair,
then you do not know her,

the poet is appologizing now for hurting anyone,
so if you end up being one of those people,
she is sorry, but she needs to whats best for her,
and she knows, not you,
she is so very sorry, she hates hurting others,
but she doesn't like hurting either