It is Almost been a year

It is almost been a year,
seems like just yesterday still,
it still hurts as much as the first day-
I had to live without you.
Will this pain ever lessen, I do not think so,
it is different from the others
maybe because you are my mom,
the one who brought me into this world,
gave me life, my first breath as came out into life.
All I know, is that I really do miss you,
You are way to young still to be taken from me, your daughter.
I look at your pictures,
I think, sometimes, it's not real, you are still at home, in your house,
in the south, and I am going to hear your voice over the phone.
It's almost been a year,
and it still hurts like it was yesterday that I lost you, my mom,
the best mom a daughter could have.
I love you, mom!

A Place to Call to Home

A place to call home.
At home with God.

I am on a journey of a life time,
a journey of finding the inner peace,
self-worth, able to love myself and you, God.
A journey to find a place to call home.

Some take this for granted, and believe that home is
the house they live in, and may very be for them,
if it is, then I so, feel sorry for them, for they must be so lost...

Opened my heart, my soul to you,
Let you in, I feel so free,
Surrender complete and total control to you.

So the Journey Begins

there once was a young girl
who wanted to be so many things-
when she grew up.
But the one thing she always wanted
to be and knew it at such an early age-
a writer and poet.
Many things she did well,
many things not so well,
but when it came to writing a poem
she won the prize,
the prize may have not been
1st, 2nd, or even 3rd,
but the only prize for her was the-
abilty to write and to express herself.
She has a heart of gold,
would do anything for anyone, even a stranger,
She always put herself last before others.
Until one day, many years later,
as the adult woman she grew up to be,
after many years of heartache and pain,
she finally decided to stand up
take a stand for herself,
since no one else will, she soon found out,
the hard way too.
So the Journey begins...

a dying breed

A dying breed-
poets, not too many of us around anymore that are known at least.

Poetry, writing, an art form of personal expression-
reading a poem, is getting to know that poet,
maybe even get to know yourself too.

Poetry, a beautiful thing,
no one ever reads it anymore,
no one goes out and buys a the latest book of poetry,
it's just the "In thing" anymore-
Well, I am here to say it is the In Thing, i
it is a cool thing to do.
A dying form of expression,
a dying breed,
poetry bring it back,
poetry is here-

thought I figured it out

thought I figured it out,
oops, I guess not.
do we ever figure it out-
or does  keep changing on us?
it's not that I don't want to anymore,
just not right now, need to go to there instead.
thinkin' we know where we want to be
in life, then wham! it changes...

Doesn't Anyone Stay in Love Anymore

doesn't anyone stay in love anymore, with one person?
Whatever happened to to death til us part?
No one ever stays together anymore,
the ones that are still together are the ones
from another generation.

Walkng in the park, alone
I see a senior citizen couple-
walking hand in hand,
talking and smilling,
looking like they are still very mych in love,
oh I what wouldn't do for that;
but seriously is it ever going to be me,
walking in the park when I'm 84-
with the love of my life, holding hands?
If it will be, it better happen soon,
for I don't have that many good years left.

The Night the Big Wheels Came Alive

It was a normal quiet Wednesday evening in the small New England town. The kids and thier parents are all in for the night, preparing dinner, doing homework, reading today's paper that the paperboy threw onto the porch.
Later, that night around 1:00am, there was some ruckus coming down the deserted street.




The beginning of a short story....hope to finish it....real soon.

I Need a Sign...

How do I know I've made the right decision?
It's not a permanment decision,
it can and will be changed...but...
for now it is the decision I feel that is right for me.
However, how do I know it's the right decision?
I look over to you, feeling your eyes on me,
I ask you, how do I know?
Here I sit, awaiting an answer, a sign....
I need a sign...
getting all kinds of advice,
but...just don't know...
the main advice I keep receiving-
"do what's right for you."

No Matter Where

keeping you close to my heart always.
i will always love you no matter where i am.
you want me to be happy, i want to be happy.
wish it i could be with you...everyday...til' the end of life.
i will never give up the hope i have for us, not sure if there will ever be...
an US...but one can hope.
i know there will be another,
just not sure when and who and where...
wish life and love wasn't so complicated.

Caged

need to get out,
need see the world,
backpack europe,
travel the U.S.
just live free,
live out of one bag,
write of my experiences.

this feels weird,
this is not enough,
thought it would be,
but i was wrong,

I am a wanderer,
I am not meant to be caged,
and that I feel like,
a caged bird,
I want to fly free.

Contemplating

As I sit here and contemplating...


Overwhelmed with emotions of what to do...confused, thought I had it all figured out, then all of a sudden things had to go change on me.


So many choices to choose from. So many things I want to do.
Who to be with or not to be with anyone...


As I sit here...contemplating...

I am not sad, I am not mad, I am just here...

I am not sad,
I am not mad,
I am just...here.
Nothing more,
Nothing less.
Do I want more,
doesn't everyone?
Do I love myself?
I honestly cannot answer that.
Have I told myself "I love you?"
I have tried, but can't seem to do it.

I am not sad,
nor am I mad,
I am just here.
Nothing more,
Nothing less.

What Now?

Sometimes this really sucks...
Just do not know,
We are born to think one thing,
we are taught another,
we learn something else then-
we end up doing it another way.

We are brought up to be nice,
do the right thing,
we are expected to and behave-
a certain way,
so we do-
then we are not happy after...

Then what?
What do we do...when we have discovered,
it's not what we want,
it's not who we are,
we want something else,
we want someone else...
What now?

life is so unknown

Life is so unknown.
We are born, and we grow up,
we live our life, either as we want,
or as someone else wants.
Life is meant for us to enjoy,
some will enjoy it with someone,
or some will not be that so lucky.
I wish I could know what to expect,
so I know what to do, not...
Life is so unknown,
as God intended it to be,
He is the one who knows what is going to happen with us...
Life...