Mediocre

I do not want to feel pain anymore,
I do not want to feel sadness anymore.
I want peace, contentment in my life. I want happiness throughout.
I want to be better than okay everyday for the rest of my life,
I am tired of mediocre.

The Weaver



A Woman with Spunk, Spirit, and a Heart that is Grand

The weaver.
Loves what she does.
Others love what she creates.
An artist.
A weaver with heart and soul.
Always had a smile on her face.
Never let anyone see her frown
and if you shall see her frown
then surely you must have done
something to make her frown
because she surely, rarely does not frown.
The weaver.
Now she is weaving all day, and night
to her heart's content.
The weaver
My mom.

Another Day

Another day
three weeks later
life changed as I knew it once be
I don't throw in the towel, though I would like to at times
Just have to remember
it is ok
I will be ok
I will get through this
another day.

Everyone Thinks....

Everyone thinks they know me so well
I do not have the heart to tell them the truth.
They have their heads in the clouds
they want to believe they know me
they want to believe I am a good person
then who am I to stand in their ways.
Yea, I am a decent person, better than some
Yea, I have a heart of gold, most of the time
but there is a dark side...

A Haze...not a Phase

You are like a haze
you are not a phase
this I know for sure
as there are seashells on the  sea shore.
My heart is on fire
my soul is burning
no one sees it but me.
I do not want this haze to go away
although I know there is no chance
but it is not a phase
therefore, it must be true love.

Judy Grahn- Helen, at 9 A.M., at Noon, at 5:15

Her ambition is to be more shiny
and metallic, black and purple as
a thief as midday; trying to make it
in a male form, she's become as
stiff as possible.
Wearing trim suits and spike heels,
she says "bust" instead of breast;
somewhere underneath she
misses love and trust, but she feels
that spite and malice are the
prices of success. She doesn't realize
yet, that she's missed success, also,
so her smile is sometimes still
genuine. After a while she'll be a real
killer, bitter and more wily, better at
pitting the men against each other
and getting the other women fired.
She constantly conspires.
Her grief expresses itself in fits of fury
over details, details take place of
meaning,
money takes place of life.
She believes that people are lice
who eat her, so she bites first; her
thirst increases year by year and by the time
the sheen has disappeared from her black
hair,
and tension makes her features
unmistakealy
ugly, she'll go mad. No one in particular
will care. As anyone who's had her for a
boss
will know
the common woman is as common
as the common crow.

-from The Common Woman Poems-Judy Grahn

Grew Closer...

I am keeping busy,
keeping the mind occupied so it does not wander,
it is all I can do for now,
taking it one day at a time,
that is all I or any of us can do.

I sit at my computer,
writing papers for my college classes,
thinking how amazing it is that I am in college,
I never thought I'd be in college;
I know my mom is proud of me,
both of my parents are proud-
the first to goout of the four of us,
an accomplishment in itself,
an accomplishment for me.

As I drive my car,
thinking of you,
cannot believe you are gone,
feel lost without you here,
breathing the same air as me.

I do not have any regrets,
however, I do wish we had more time,
as I grew older, realizing how important you are,
we grew closer,
lost without you.

Mom and Brother

Mom and brother are together again,
this I know, but I still wish they were here with me.
Mom and Steve, you bette make sure I stay ok,
fore I could fall at anytime,
I can crash and burn,
so I ask of you, to keep an eye on me,
make sure I stay on the right path, until we are all together again.
I miss you both so very much,
However, I will remain strong, after all I come from a line of survivors,
although, it will not be an easy task, but with you, my guardian angels, I believe I might succeed at it...

sitting here at my laptop, doing my homework,
suddenly I stop, I look at you...
I take you out and touch the bag,
tears start rolling down my cheeks.

it is not fair, yet I know I will see you again,
but that does not stop my heart from aching,
the thought of not visiting you on the holidays,
not calling you on the phone,
just does not seem real,
it feels unbearable,
oh! how will i get through this?

not real....

doesn't feel real,
feels like a bad dream,
hoping i will wake up soon...

I miss you so...
In your house,
looking through your things,
just does not feel right.
I miss you so...
I want you back here,
I want more time with you.
I miss you so...
walking around in fog,
my mind is not in the right frame,
I thought I saw you...
I miss you so...

Just wanted more time...

I know God, you know what you're doing, but I still hate it.
I know she isn't suffering anymore, I know she was,
but I just wanted more time with her.

money, money,
that is all one cares for now a days,
try to get the best job, make the most money,
so they can have the best, most expensive car,
the biggest house, the best electronic gadgets,
all because they think it will make them happy.
It might make them happy for a little while,
tho' it will quickly fade away,
as quickly as it came about.
Money, yes makes the world go around,
buys the essensetials,
tho' that is it, really that is it.
There is always going to be someone with more money than you,
so why kill yourself, trying to get to that level?

living in the past
not letting go
so hard to let go
let go of the good and the bad
if we move on, there is a reason
we are growing within when we move on, when we let go,
so then why is it so hard?

the perfect relationship,
this concept does not exist,
so why do we keep searching for it?
there is no perfect relationship,
all have imperfections.
they may seem like they are perfect in the beginning.
there is no soulmate,
love at first sight,
at least not in our eyes,
" love " is like  "life's plans,"
we cannot plan it, we can try all we want,
but God is just laughing at us,
"silly mortals, when they will they learn,
it's not they're plans that matter, it is mine."