Wednesday, December 28, 2011

I made it through the night...

Alone now in your house, I knew it was going to be hard; however, did not realize how hard. I made it through my first night alone in your house. Cried a lot, held onto a shirt of yours that wore often. Missing you, wish I could have you back home with me, I would do anything if it were possible to have this wish become reality. I know it cannot; therefore, here I sit at a Starbucks with a Chai tea and my laptop looking up a few things that you own, to see what they are worth. Going to go home and pack up a few of your knick knacks to protect them from being damaged and dust. I looked around a bit this morning began to cry and just had to stop and sit in your chair. I don't feel like doing a damn thing today. Oh! How I would love to just sit and drink away my pain and saddness, but I know from experience that will not work. Besides you would not allow me to do so so nor would others in my life. Rather than sit and mope, I am trying to get out and moving and do something, anything for today at least; tomorrow is another day.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

A love child is born...

tomorrow is the she was born
it was a cold, winter, blustry, early morning,
the sun has not even risen yet,
she was a bundle of joy that came into their lives;
times were tough,
finances, made a rumble among the home,
but he never gave up on us,
dad was never far away,
and mom did the best she could with what she had.
she was born into a family of love,
there was not enough money to go around,
but love,
there was plenty.
She was born,
growing up was not an easy task,
however, she did alright,
and she owes it all her beloved
mom and dad,
the moment she was conceived to the day
of graduation of high school,
she did good,
wasn't easy,
plenty of bumps and ditches to conquer.
On this day,
of December nineteenth,
a love child was born.

Friday, December 16, 2011

forever and a day is how long I will love you.
there will be many ups in the years ahead,
also there will be some downs,
but when stone chips,
remember the meaning behind that stone...


(not finished)

As I think of Christmas this Year

As I think of Christmas this year,
saddness comes to my eyes.
There is not a lot of smiles within,
though once in a while,
there is a glimpse of Christmas.
As I think of the Christmas season,
I see a little girl and little boy,
with smiles at the tree and all that is under it,
on Christmas morning.
Christmas was not a big hoopla in my family,
we did not have much money,
though we had one another,
I learned quick, that it wasn't about the presents,
at least not the store bought ones.
As I sit here and think of Christmas past,
I have happiness on my face,
with the saddness in the eyes.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Doors opening

You opened the doors that needed to be open,
you opened my eyes,
you opened my heart,
you know me so well,
better than anyone.

I love you,
I did not expect to fall in love with you,
I knew it would not be right,
we both knew it,
yet, we continued on,
I do not have any regrets, nor will I ever.

You taught me to love myself,
you taught me to stand up for myself,
you loved me like no other has before.

I think we both knew this was not going to last forever,
but we did not want to think of it,
we just wanted to embrace what we have.

I hate to think that I cannot have you,
I hate the thought of you not close to me.

I know this to be a cliche, but I believe it to be true,
"everything happens for a reason,"
Maybe a reason we came together as one,
to show me that I am worthy of love,
to show me how to love again.
from within.
Maybe, we came together, so I can help you,
maybe to guide you.
Whatever the reason may be, I am glad it was you and I.

You are the one who was able to open the doors,
that were closed for so long,
no other could open them, but you did.

I love you and always will,
I am in love with you,
remember I will always be holding you in our sleep...

helpless

Helpless.
I want to do something,
angry, not at you, but the creep that hurt you.
Cannot imagine what you are feeling,
but I can conjour up a sample.
All I can do is be there for you, and I am,
whatever you need, just ask.
I am angry, my heart aches with you,
but know you are not alone,
you do not have to fight this battle all alone.
You will get through this.
We will get through this.

As I sit and wonder

As I sit and think of my purpose here,
I come up with one thing.
I wonder if I am here to help others through this life,
to show them the direction they should take,
then it is up to them to make their choice of which direction to go.
It seems like too many come into my life for such a brief moment in time,
then leave, there has to be some reason, a purpose.
The one that I want to stay and share life with, I cannot have.
As I sit and wonder of what life is going to bring me next,
I wonder if I will end up sitting alone in the end.

The master key

The master key.
You are the one who has the master key to my heart,
this key opens all the doors of my heart.
Others may have a key to my heart, but it only opens one door.
You have the master key,
the one that opens the front door, and all the secret doors.
You are the one that knows me better than anyone on this earth.
The master key.

Monday, December 12, 2011

drifting, floating down the river

drifting, floating down the river,
holding onto only a mere branch from an oak tree.
Not really knowing where I am going,
I think I have a plan, but then again, I think I may not,
because it is believed that there is another plan for me.
drifting, floating down this river,
how do I know it is the right direction?
drifting, floating along this river,
full hope one day,
then full of dread the next day,
what is one to say?
I drift and float,
waiting, fighting,
struggling, sometimes winning,
sometimes losing,
but yet I am still staying afloat and drifting down the river.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Five more minutes

I just want five more minutes with you,
just to say good-bye, that's all.
I hate the fact, I didn't have the chance to.
I wish there was a way for me to see and talk to you
for five minutes, it would make things a little easier.
Please God, won't you just give me five minutes with my mom,
then you can take home with you and I will see her again when I come home?

Friday, December 2, 2011

I am a strong woman...

I am a strong woman,
I keep hearing this over and over,
If it wasn't for all the faith that I have
and all ya'll's faith in me, I do not know
that I'd be handling it all that well.
I am a strong woman,
because God is in my life,
I am a strong a woman,
because I have wonderful friends by my side,
I am strong because all of you!