Happy Home....

happy in my home,
never been in a place where I am happy to come home to,
never really wanted to go home, but I do now,
I want to be able to enjoy this place, at least for awhile,
living on my own,
no one to answer to,
doing my thing,
clean if I want to or not clean,
it's my home, and mine alone,
I can do whatever I want in it,
Not sure I want to give that up,
yea I want someone to love me and to love them back,
to share my life with, to grow old with,
but right now in this moment I need to live alone,
I know I probably do not make sense to you all,
some of you may not understand,
but you were not meant to understand everything,
Has long as I know and understand myself, thats what matters,
being happy with myself,
enjoying my own company,
knowing I am worthy of love, a good life, and happiness,
knowing I am a good person,
loving me for who I am, not caring what others think about me,
just being me and loving me...

having trouble getting going today,
don't know why,
I'll get going, just tired this morning,
have to work tonight,
don't have a day off until thursday,
need the money,
but just don't want to work this particular job anymore,
but I know have to, so I do,
going to be going to school full time and working part time,
going to get the BA degree quicker then I did the AAS degree,
want to be 42 and not 45 when I graduate,
I know it doesn't matter what age I am when I graduate, but to me it does,
I am hard on myself and put timelines on the things in my life that I want to accomplish,
and if I do not complete, then I pretty much give up or don't care,
calling on the phone,
no one is there, or not answering the phone, when I call,
I don't like this, feeling ignored, rejected, not a very good feeling,
don't know what to do,
trying to be strong and to let it go, but just can't do it,
thinking about them,
wanting to talk to them,
please answer the phone when I call,
please answer my emails,
don't ignore me,
don't shut me out....

MEMORIAL DAY 2010

memorial day...
never really thought about it to much, until recently and now i understand.
a day we all should remember and give thanks to all that served and still serving in the armed forces and to the ones that sacarficed their lives for us to have the freedoms we have today.
I feel honored to be a part of this group, ths family, I stand proud and ready to fight, ready to die for my country, I do not want to die, but if I must then I will do it with honor, pride; it is my duty....

I had gotten one thank you today for serving, but no others. I don't know if it just slipped peoples' minds or they just didnt really truely care...I am sure its a little of both. I am not going to make a big deal about it, because I know there are people out there who support myself and my fellow battles in what we do and are grateful for what we do.

Memorial day, a day to remember, a day to pray and give thanks!!

still, after all these years...

Getting to know you, finally after all these years,
I was mad at you for so long for taking the ones I love from me,
I just couldn't understand why or how you could do that,
I thought I was being punished, or that I wasn't worthy of having love or good in my life,
But then I got know you a few years back,
and found out you have always been there for me,
you never left, even when I thought you had,
you will always be there, you do love me and always will,
you forgive, you know the plan, you know what's best,
you are the almighty,
you are love,
I wish everyone could see the love you have for us,
I wish they could get to know you like I have and I'm not even close to being done
to getting to know better,
help me love you more,
show me how to get closer,
help me know you better,
thank you for being there, always, for never leaving my side
you are so beautiful, you are the light,
I will never be afraid again...
Amen.

Home is where the heart is

I finally found a place that I enjoy coming home to,
a place that I can call home,
I haven't felt like this in a very long time,
I just want to be able to it as long as I can,
I feel at home here,
home really is where the heart is,
my heart is in this place,
I like that I have a place I like and enjoy,
Home,
where the heart is,
love fills the heart,
which in turn, fills the home,
if your heart isn't in your home, then maybe it's time to look for a new home,
Home,
is where your heart should be...

I'm back in the U.S

Well, I have returned to the U.S.A safely and it is good to be home! It was a good trip and I had a good time, minus the bugs and mosquitos! I can handle the heat and humidty more then the bugs.....it was a good experience and I would do it again and would like to.

Didn't have my phone or the computer, yea we had access, but I chose not to use it, I decided to use the time for "me time", the two weeks I was gone...It was a good thing...got some thinkin done, I know what I should do and want to do, need to do for me and my future....now I just have to put it into action.....

Caring for someone, and wanting to help someone, but can't help them, because they won't really help themselves, and/or don't know how....cannot help someone who doesn't want to be helped or won't help themselves...need to stand up and take care of yourself, and learn not to depend on others, it is a hard thing to do, but it can be done; trust me I know this....
Time to let go no matter how hard it is to watch them go down in a downward spiral.....all I can do is pray and let God do his thing, he has a plan for all of us, and I just hope he/she can help everyone in time....I hope they see the light and get well and be happy with who they are and able to take care of themselves and not worry about what others say or do, and just do for themselves, they need to put themselves first, no matter what the stakes are.

Peace to all, may you all have the faith to keep going on and on...remember its not our plans, its God's plan....we can make all the plans we want, but it won't do any good, if God doesn't like it, it will not happen....
AMEN!

its been awhile....i know...

yes, i know its been awhile since i wrote anything on here, and i am very sorry for that,
it won't happen again, although I am going on a mission for 2 weeks, and will not have computer access that much...
but after that i will catch up and begin writing more on here for ya'll...

getting ready for school this summer, going to go full time, work part time...going to take advantage of my education benefits and let the military pay for school and pay for my living expenses.....i deserve it...

anyway....more later ya'll!!