Dedication, something I can have and do have, but at times I get side tracked. I want to take care of what I want to do from working out, to writing, school, the military, etc....I want to be dedicated to those things and before anything else, and not feel bad about doing these things or have to explain what I am doing and why, all others need to know is that I am doing what I want and need to do for me, and it doesn't mean I love them any less or want to spend any less time with them, I just need to take care of my needs before anyone else. Me first, well, actually God first, then me.

My friendships and love will always be there, it will always sustain, we may not always agree, but that's a part of life and relationships, no one is perfect, although God is, his love will always be there, his love will never fail and either will your own; but all in all, the one thing that matters the most and actually counts, is ourselves and the Lord himself.

Dedication to the Lord and to yourself, be strong in those two things and everything will come to you with open arms.

one day at a time...

one day at a time....thankful that I have a job now, even though it's one that makes me really unhappy, but I am trying to change it, it takes time.
taking care of me, loving the almighty king, and myself,
if anyone has a issues with that, that is just to bad,
God first then me, then everyone else....
lovin' God, lovin' me,
what a concept, who would have thought,
it's a tough one to do, but I'm doing it, slowly,
one day at a time....

Change..

Spending the morning filling out applications online. Need to do it! I fill the need to do so, to protect my sanity.
To know when it's time for a change, is half the battle,
the next part is to do something about it,
To be happy with your life, you need to be happy with yourself,
If you don't like your job, your life, then change it,
It all starts with you,
You are the only one that can change your life, job, so if you're not happy,
change how you feel, change your job, change your life, love yourself...

Take this job and shove it....

have you just wanted to walk out on a job? well, I am almost there, but I need the job and the money to go with it, that is the only thing that is stopping me! I am so ready to go work at a white castle or something until I can find the teaching position that I am trying to get. It is rough!! Just have faith, I keep telling myself, "what faith can do", by Kutless. I just keep saying a prayer and talking to God and asking for his help and to keep giving me the strength I so need. So far it seems to be working....What faith can do, i believe in that for sure!
anyway...its been a long night, so I am going to bed....just needed to write a little something on here before I go to sleep.

Deployment

My Christmas tree while I was deployed overseas in 2007. A Christmas that I will never forget, an experience that I will never forget. It's tough for soldiers to be away from family and friends at Christmastime, but we do it because it is our duty, we signed up to serve our country and protect our freedom, and for all different reasons, we did so. But whatever the reason, we did it. I for one am very proud to serve my country, to be a part of something that so many in the past wars have done and died for us, for our freedom and rights in this land of the free and the home the brave!

So, please remember all the soldiers, marines, navy and airforce that are deployed, and support them while they are away and when they return home, stand up for them, as we stand up for you all as we serve.

God Bless the USA! Freedom is not free!!

Running into your arms

I am running, and running,
right into your arms,
I opened my heart to you one day,
my life changed, for the better,
I found love, true love, I am looking and learning to love myself,
finding it through you,
you are the one and only,
the one who will never leave my side,
although, sometimes I may feel like I am walking alone,
but I know you are right there beside me,
as "they" say, when we only see one set of footprints,
they are yours and you are carrying me, until you think I can walk on my own again,
I am running to you,
right into your arms,
the one that I don't want tot disappoint, altho I don't think that is possible,
because you forgive,
trying to teach me to forgive,
to let go,
running to you, the almighty one!

Give Up!! Just having a bad night.....

trying to please everyone, trying not to hurt anyone,
i don't think it is possible at all, I've been trying all my life, can't seem to succeed at it,
why do I bother? I do what I want, what I think is right for me, what is making me happy,
and others get mad at me, and say mean crap, I give up!
I'm done....done with trying to please everyone and trying to make them happy, screw it, I will just worry about me and do what I want, be like the rest of the damn world!
Some say I don't care, some say I lied or in denial...whatever, they dont know me, they are not inside my head!
I'm just having a bad night, but oh well, I'll get over it......goodnight.

on my mind this morning....

taking life has it comes, that was one of the things I was going to do this new year. I was going to just and try to accept the things I cannot change, do the best that I can and not get frustrated when I cannot do something the first try.
Well, I think I am doing pretty good on all of it, but I do have my days and find myself getting frustrated, but I guess, we all have those moments.
Living life for me, not for someone else, living it thru my eyes, not someone else's eyes...that is another thing I am trying, something that is new for me; I'm doing pretty good so far, still worry about what others are going to say or do, but not as much....does that feeling ever go away? I'm not so sure I believe it does, but I think it might be far less then it once was. We will always worry about what others think or say or going to do, it's a part of who we are...
for the most part all we want is to happy with our lives, to be loved and to love back, and just live a happy and fun and fullfilling life. Is that to much to ask for? I don't believe so, not at all, but then why is it so hard to obtain?
Just a little what's on the ol' mind this morning....
peace to all!

Thank You

I thank you for coming into my life,
I thank you for loving me,
I thank you for opening my heart again,
I thank you for life,
You are my light at the end of the tunnel,
I only wish it could go on forever,
I wish I could wake up with you, lay my head down with yours,
who knows, what the future will bring,
I just hope you know I love you with all my heart and soul and always will,
I will never, ever forget you and me,
Nor do I want to,
Thank you for being you,
thank you for loving me,
thank you for giving me life again,
thank you for showing me how to feel again,
thank you for showing me how to love,
I love you, I miss you,
I am and will always be here for you,
I will never leave your side, no matter what you say or do,
you are stuck with me in your life,
I love you to much to not have you in my life, somehow....

Renewing a friendship

(1994)

Renewing a friendship,
finding it again,
however you want to call it,
I'm glad we got back in touch,
I guess the ol' saying is true,
true friends always stay friends,
I don't even know what happened
and in a way I don't care, it is in the past and
the past stays in the past.
Renewing a friendship is always
a good thing, and makes you feel better about life.
I believe that if you were meant to be friends
for life, then you will be.

By your side, friend

(1994)

By your side,
now and forever,
you're my best friend and best
friends stay beside each other
forever.
When you need a friend,
a shoulder to cry on,
you can always call on me,

You're there for me,
thank you, it's so nice
to have a friend who's beside
me through this life we live in.

So, remember you have a friend beside you
through it all, that happens in this life, and you
can always call on me.

a blast from the past....

Here is something I wrote a very long time ago, back in 1987....

I feel so empty without you,
I don't know what to do,
I miss you so much, I want to be with you,
Sometimes I just want to end it all, to be with you.

We had our future planned out, to be together forever,
we were going to take the world on and live forever,
There was nothing that could stop us, never ever,
whenever we were together, we were happy, whatsoever.

We never thought of being apart,
We always thought we'd grow old together, then part.

When I lost you that night a part of me went with you,
You were my life and what I lived for,
When you were gone, a part of me was gone too,
And I just don't want to live anymore without you.


I was 17 when I wrote this....wow!

just a little about today

Another day, Fat Tuesday, it is supposed to be my day off, but I have to work. They are trying to tell us it's a mandatory work day...whatever....but that's ok, I'll work, I need the money, and supposedly I will be one of the first out and I am going to be, seeing how this is my day off! I almost got away with not working, because they forgot to put me on the schedule for the day, and didn't tell me that I was working, until lastnight at work....oh well...
Anyway, went to the gym this morning and had a great workout! I really enjoy working out and it makes me feel good, better about myself and life....also it extends my life one more day as far as health goes.
Sitting here at home, doing some writing, listening to the country music station, chillin' before I have to leave for work. I was watching tv, but I can't do that, because I just won't get anything done and not want to go to work even more.
The sun was out earlier, but it looks like it went behind the clouds, not to bad out today, but I am ready for spring as most of you are too. It will be here soon and then summer and then ya'll be complaining it's to hot....but thats life.
Trying to find a different job, but no luck yet, I will find something, God will provide, he always does.
peace to all!

Sharing your life....

Sharing your life with someone,
isn't that what we all want?
so why sometimes do we fight it,
why do we try to run from it?
Sharing your life,
having someone to do the everyday things with,
someone to go on vacations with,
walking into home and having someone there, excited to see you,
having someone there all the time,
someone that you get along with,
someone that you like and love,
we all want it,
we all can have it,
but yet sometimes we try to fight it, deny it, why do we do this?
Just give in, sometimes we cannot control who comes into our lives and how they come into our life, it may not seem like the right time, but apparently it is the right time, otherwise it wouldn't of happened, there is a plan for all of us, altho we may not know what it is, there is a plan for us and sometimes we just have to go with whatever is thrown at us.

So difficult to obtain, but such a simple word

Peace at heart
peace within yourself
peace through music
peace with all people
peace all the way around
wouldn't it be nice?
What a simple word
peace is, but yet it is so difficult to obtain.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I want to go back,
there are days I feel fine,
then there other days I don't feel so fine,
on those days of not feeling so fine, I just want
to leave and go back to the desert,
I know that will not solve anything,
but it sure the hec sounds good to me,
and in a way it would solve everything,
but I guess deep down, it really wouldn't,
everything will still be there,
nothing really went away,
nothing really got solved,
so I guess I have to stick around and face the demons,
face what is in front of me,
try to fix what is broken,
make it happy and want to be here all he time,
feeling not so fine,
I am so ready to feel fine, better then fine,
I am on that road now,
Been on the road for a little bit,
continuing, no matter how tough it may be,
not giving up...

Top of the Hill, Under a Tree

Sitting under the tree,
thinking of you there with me,
yur arms around me,
holding me tight.
The wind blowing the branches,
looking over the hill,
and listening to all the sounds of nature,
below the hill, where I sit,
I see a ranch...
Sitting on a hill, under a tree,
it's so peaceful here,
with all the sounds of nature,
birds, wind, and the smell of fresh air,
why can't life be like the top of a hill?
On top of the hill, I sit,
thinking, listening, and relaxing,
how I don't want to leave this place,
the top of the hill, under the tree.

If I shall die before I wake...

If I shall die before I wake,
don't be sad,
live life to the fullest and be happy,
live the way you want, not how someone else wants,
If I die before I wake,
I just want you all to know that I love you all,
that I am home now, and we shall be together again soon,
but not to soon, not before it's time,
If I shall die before I wake,
take care, smile, make life a party, smile,
goodbye, I love you all!

In my life....

I want you in my life,
can't you see that?
why is it so hard to do, to go back?
I love you and always will,
I know you love me, and always will,
I hope one day you will see why I need you in my life, why I want you in my life,
please stay in my life,
although I cannot make you do anything you don't want to, but I hope you will,
I miss you,
I miss our talks about life,
I miss talking to you when I am down,
you make me smile when I don't feel much like smiling,
you can make my tears stop,
you know me,
I love you, my friend, please don't leave my life!

Cruelity and Pain...

Cruelity, pain,
sadness,
there's more of that than anything,
so much of it in this world,
people dying of sickness, old age, war,
people getting divorced, breaking up,
friends who end up drifting apart,
why is there so much pain in the world?
Why does this have to happen?
can't we all just get along,
can't we just be happy, truely happy for one another,
and ourselves,
love one another, love ourselves,
why is there so much cruelity, pain and sadness?

Valentine's Day!

Happy belated Valentine's day to ya'll!
A day to spend with your significant other,
but in all in all, I personally think we should treat everyday like Valentine's day.
But I guess for the ones who don't feel like that, Valentine's day is a good thing to have.
Treat your loved one with the upmost respect, show them how much you love them and don't take them for granted and it can be valentine's day all the time, everyday.

FREEDOM!

The American flag blowing in the wind from the front porch,
the family with that porch, has a soldier serving overseas,
they don't get to hear their voice, see their smile everyday,
they can't just pick up the phone, they have to wait for their soldier
to call them, they have the flag on their porch along with a yellow ribbon
tied on the porch post, and it will stay up until their soldier comes home
and all the rest.
Remember the soldiers that are serving, that have returned home and the
ones who sacraficed their lives and did not make it home,
Freedom is not free,
there is a price that is paid,
God Bless the USA!

Do I really deserve this happiness?

It's been so long since I've really, totally been happy with my life, with myself,

I had so many doors closed, I put myself in the back, forgot about me,

I put my wants and needs on hold, took care of everyone else before me,

then when it was time for me, I didn't have anything left or so I thought,

but that is all changing now,

I've been learning about myself,

learning to like and love myself,

which in fact is making my life seem brighter,

learning to stand up for me,

To answer that question " Do I deserve this happiness?"

Yes, I do and I will not stop making the one in the mirror happy,

taking care of her first...

climbing high...

Climbing high and higher,
climb til' you get to the top,
such an overwhelming feeling to
have when you reach the top...

Life is to short to be worrying about what others think
and want, you have to do what you want and what makes
you happy, you are the one that is important and should
come before anyone else, take care of you and then you shall
be able to take care of someone else,
live life to the fullest, love life, love the people in your life
and let them know before you cannot anymore....

A little about friendship....

Friendship is like a marriage,
it lasts forever,
until the trust is broken,
a lot like a marriage...



My Forever friend,
I can honestly call
you my best friend,
we will make it
through this life,
together...


Friends are sometimes better than lovers,
lovers, they come and go,
friends stay,
I don't know about you,
but I think I'd rather have a friend,
if my lover is going to leave,
although I guess it is better to have loved,
then not at all,
friends are there always,
friends will pick you up when you are down,
they laugh with you not at you,
they don't judge or try to change you,
friends are better then lovers,
although they can leave too,
if the trust is broken...

In the beginning I did not know what I wanted,
as time goes by, day after day,hour after hour,
I've gotten to know myself better, gotten to know what I want,
now i just have to obtain it, and hold onto it.

I have dreams that I want to accomplish before I die,
I have faith that I will accomplish most, if not all my dreams,
just by having a little faith, you can accomplish anything,
don't be afraid of failing, don't be afraid of disappointing others,
there will always be someone who is disappointed,
we cannot please everyone all of the time.

Going after what you want,
seeking true happiness in your life,
seeking out yourself,
knowing and loving yourself,
that is key, open your heart and let love in.
Amen.

Passion

Full of passion
make it,
perform, never give up
live bold & wild and you will be young
with a psychedelic free impression of life

Life is full of fiery electric energy,
that needs to be found by you, me
and everyone, find it and use it

A studio full of life
An open canvas
waiting to be filled with a glorious
rhythm and harmony fiery electric masterpiece
created by you...

Another Day..

Another day...let's make the best of it, live and have fun, rock on! It is what you make of it, don't let others get you down, yea you may feel upset or get annoyed, but let it go, life is to short to get annoyed, feel good about life, have fun and just live!

Another day...to make our dreams come true, yea they may seem so far away and out of reach, but that's just because you haven't done anything to bring them into reach.

Another day...to be you, to love yourself, to treat yourself to a great day and do what you want to do, no matter what anyone else has to say about it. It's all about you, no one else. You will love others more, when you love yourself and are good to you!

Another day...to love, live, be happy, share the love and happiness, be kind and not ignorant, treat all equal....love unconditionally your friends and family.

Have a great day!

Why is it so hard to let go?
why can't it be simple, why does it have to hurt so damn much?
can't let go, we can't let go,
what is it that is making it so hard?
just can't get enough of you,
just can't get enough of each other,
so full of passion and love, like no other,
i will never find another like you, with so much passion,
that is the truth,
it just cannot be,
we both know it,
want you in my life, no matter what, i know you don't see it and don't understand why i want you in my life, but i hope you see it one day soon,
i hope you see that you are worthy as much as you say i am,
you are beautiful and one day i hope you see that as well,
goodnight my friend, i love you!

He's always there, He never abandons us

He wipes my tears, he makes me smile,
he is always there, he never leaves us,
never abandons us,
when we think we are walking alone, he is right there, carrying us through it all,
yes, I am talking about the one and only, God.

Back in 2007 while I was deployed overseas, I opened my heart and soul and then I was baptized while I was there. My faith and love for God had grown more and more each day that year while I was gone, he was there by my side, he helped me get through the year.

God is great, God is love! If there is one friend that we all have, one that is always there for us, one that will always forgive us, and will always love and accept us, it is God himself. Amen.

Just sayin a few things....just being...

I sit here, at the computer, this cold, blustery snowy morning,
finally got out and cleaned off my car from yesterday and lastnight's snowfall,
letting the car warm up, looking and reading a few blogs,
just hanging at home, chilling, relaxing and listening to the tunes on the radio.
Thinking that i am very blessed to have been living this life, although its been rough at times,
full of pain and heartache, but also plenty of smiles, laughs, and fun times as well. I remember when i was a kid, a teenager, a young adult and now that i entered the 40's.....what a life I have had so far. These past 2 years alone have been a learning experience for me, learning a lot about life and myself, a lot of changes theses oast couple years. But all is for a reason and all for the better, so I am told.
Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed, lost....but then I just sit back reflect...breathe deep, and say a little prayer and then my heartbeat slows down, I become settled again...sometimes we just need a to take a break and have a day to do nothing, a day to be with ourselves, and just be...

Why drink and drive?

why drink and drive?
that is such a bovine thing to do,
you will not stop being cool if you don't,
in fact you might even be cooler, because you didnt,
why inflict such worry and pain onto someone
onto someone if you drive drunk, and then hurt or even
worse kill someone, someone's loved one?

driving while drunk,
driving down the road,
swerving all over,
crashing into another,
people flying out of cars,
bottles and bodies all over the pavement...

Earth quake in Northern IL this early wednesday, wow! What does that mean?
There shouldn't be a earthquake here...are the Mayans right about 2012? Who really knows? Apparently they believe it, but I guess we will just have to wait and see. I don't know about the rest of you, but I am going to live my life to the fullest and like its my last day, i dont want to mss out on anything! Altho I really dont think its goin to be the end in 2012, but ya never know....We do not have control over that, the big guy upstairs has the control of all that.
But we all should be living life, enjoying life, be happy, and kind, cuz life IS SHORT.
Peace and Happiness to all!

watching the snow

watching the snow fall,
its coming down pretty hard,
looks pretty from inside,
but then to have to drive in it,
with all those people who drive crazier when it snows,
they think they can drive the same,
what are they thinking?
watching the snow fall,
thinkin i should start my day and doing something productive,
i can do some things inside that i need to get done,
and then maybe conquer the outside stuff,
but instead at the moment i am just watching the snow fall,
playing on the computer,
doing some writing,
chatting with friends,
its my day off, i have the whole day,
so what is the rush to get things done?

Disney Land 2009

The Happiest place on earth! living life, enjoying life, that is what we need to be doing, live like you're dying...

doin what i want
what a concept,
i know people do it all the time,
doing what they want,
with no feelings of guilt, of hurting others,
just doing what they want,
is there a trick to not feeling,
for me, this is new for me,
doing what i want, and what is right for me,
but at the same time there are others who are hurting,
i do not like seeing them hurt,
the ones i used to love, still love, will always love,
so tell me how do i do what i want without feeling bad,
feeling guilty, feeling selfish,
i am doing the right thing for me, this i know,
but please forgive me if i am feeling remorse for the others,
this is something new for me,
a new experience,
i have to get used to this i guess,
no turning back now

to have loved is to have lived,
to have lost that love is to learn,
it is way better to have loved, then to have not loved at all,
altho we may have loved and then lost that love,
remember all the happy moments,
you have lived if you have loved,
even if it were for a short while,
love is all around us,
love as much as you can,
or if you're lucky enough to love once
and it be in your life for the rest of your days,
hold onto it, don't push it away, don't let it go,
be loved and love back,
to have loved is to have lived!

to feel content

contentment,
to feel content in one's life,
not really sure what it means,
i do not think i've felt content in the past,
altho i believe i may be close now,
to feel content,
is it to be happy with yourself,
to love yourself,
to be happy in your life and all that is around you,
to accept the things that we cannot change,
and to do the best to change the things we can,
to better ourselves and our lives,
contement, i think i may be on that road,
damn near close if i say so myself!

thought for the day:

Be happy for what you have, not for what you wish you had,
be happy that you have a job, home, transportation to get to work to have your home, and be happy to have friends and family that love you.

a view of the lake in NH....driving around the lake, stopping and just looking at the water and the mts, how peaceful it is, oh how i want my life to be at peace like that...

life

laugh,
smile,
no more regrets,
no more sorries,
live life as you're dying,
love life,
enjoy life,
laugh at it,
smile at it,
embrace it fully!

life is short,
way to short,
so live it,
do what you want,
when you want,
dont waste time,
on things that dont make you happy,

cry a little, if you need to,
but then wipe the tears away,
smile,
and move on,
laugh,
and have no regrets,

yea life is hard,
but no one said it was going to be easy,
the good things are never easy,
if it were easy, then we wouldn't learn anything
new about it, grow with it,

live,
love,
smile, and
Embrace it!

can't make eveyone happy...

can't make everyone happy, i am begnning to realize this, it's taken me a long time to learn this. I'm always trying to please everybody else, forgetting about myself, well i cannot do this anymore, i need to make me happy first, do what i want, what i think is right for me. Not everyone is going to like this and they may even voice this to me, but oh well, there is nothing i can do or say. I can't control what others are going to do or say or feel, i know this now-finally! No more assuming what others are thinking or what they are going to do...it is hard not to, but i am trying...can't please everyone...

"Life is to short to wake up in the morning with regrets,
so love the people who treat your right forget about the ones who don't,
and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it"

02 Feb 10

Well, what can I say? I just started this blog, I have no idea how to do this and what exactly i am supposed to do with this, but I figured it would be a cool thing to try and maybe I can use this to market my book(s). I am a poet and have have one book published and another one in production.
Ok. I guess thats it for now, before I go on and on and it's getting late and I need to get some sleep.